Dirty Secret: NYC Happy Hours all Suck

It's true. They do. All suck.
Either you pay the full $6 for a bottle of Amstel Light at 6pm or you are stuck with hipster NYU students and lecherous old men.
Does anyone know a good happy hour anywhere in New York? I swear all the cool happy hour websites have outdated, incorrect or barely any information. (Like unthirsty.com looks sweet, but appears to have like 3 reviews/ratings total)
If you need to get buzzed on the cheap:
Boxcar Lounge (Avenue B near 11th) this psuedo-happy hour ($5 pints) at least feels cool. The barmaid will make you feel worthless, but your drink will take the sting out of it.
BUA (St. Mark's btw 1st & A) 1/2 all drinks until 8. Actually a good bar with nice cocktails and good beer.
The Bourgeois Pig (7th btw 1st & A) wine bottles are 1/2 off before 7pm. Nice.
Seriously - we need help. Anyone know some good happy hours? (Anything in the Murray Hill region doesn't count.)
Love, iSpend